Tuesday, July 13, 2010

An Update

At certain points in the day, time seems to move at the speed of molasses in January. This usually happens around 10:30am, just when my breakfast is wearing off and it’s too early for lunch, and again at 2:30pm, when 5pm seems an eternity away. Conversely, the hours between 11pm and 6:30am seem to fly by. I think Time skips an hour or two while I’m sleeping, because my alarm seems to go off earlier and earlier every day.

My life seems to be ruled by time lately. Every Monday is another mark on my mental prison wall, marking the weeks that have passed since the closing arguments. We did receive some promising news last week – the commissioner’s report and recommendation was delivered to the judges on June 30th. Now the judges have to review it, and 4 of the 7 need to agree on it. Again, we have no deadline, no time frame, no ETA for this decision. However, we know that it is progressing. That helps.

Summer is almost over for Maddy – she starts school in a month. I remember starting school after Labor Day and being done by Memorial Day. It seems like she goes back to school earlier each year. When I told her today she only had a month left of her summer, she said “do I have to go back? I know enough now to survive.” Oh honey, do we ever really know that much?

My grand plans for shaking up my life that I alluded to in my last post? Yeah, they didn’t work out. I had an opportunity to trade my 45+ minute commute for one that would be less than 10 minutes, but I also would have taken a huge pay cut. As much as I hate the time I waste sitting in traffic and driving every day, we can’t manage without my current salary. So I’ll stay for now and keep looking in the meantime.

I’m not doing a fundraiser this year and I feel horrible about it. I was hoping that the fundraiser could also be a celebration of sorts, to mark the final end of the court proceedings, but so far it doesn’t look like we’ll be able to do that this summer. Perhaps this fall, but I’m not holding my breath.

I quit walking for a month and my once-a-month chocolate cravings became once-a-day cravings. I told myself that it was okay to have a Kit Kat every day if I took the stairs, right? Well, one flight of stairs does not undo the damage, let me tell you. Last week I stepped on the scale and saw a number that I haven’t seen since I was pregnant. And not early pregnancy either, we’re talking third trimester. If that’s not a wake-up call, I don’t know what is. So, we got our treadmill fixed and I’ve been running on it at night. It really makes a difference in my self-esteem. Two pounds are gone already, and hopefully many more will follow.

So, now you’re up to date and I’ll try to be better about writing. I was looking back at my blogs from the last six months, and I notice that I’m not finding the humor in things like I used to. I’m losing my ability to laugh at myself and the situation, and I know that’s taking it’s toll on my well-being.


willtherebecake said...

Ugh, sorry things didn't work out with the new job, and you're still in this infinite waiting pattern. But rest assured that nothing ever stays the same so things are bound to get better.

And did you have to remind me that summer is almost over?! I haven't been to the pool ONCE!

Kellyology said...

You know everyone has these dark periods, and waiting on what you're waiting on probably isn't helping. What is good is that your dragging yourself out bit by bit starting with the treadmill. Congrats to you for that! Keep your head up girl.

Krys72599 said...
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Krys72599 said...

Please know we're all waiting with you, and go ahead and laugh. If you don't laugh, after all, what is the option? And that's not really an option; it's more like a waste of tears.
Sorry the job didn't work out but yay! The treadmill is working! Now please send some of that healthy mojo toward NJ so I can try and catch it... please? Thanks!

Annie said...

Not that my waiting is in any way comparable to your waiting, but I have to say that I have been doing interval running since May to help with my waiting... It's helped me be more relaxed (and lose 12 pounds). I hope it does the same for you!