Normally when the weatherman calls for inclement weather, I don't get excited. It's generally more of a hassle. However, today is different. I feel like a kid looking for a free day off school. When I saw it was snowing at 11:30, I was stoked!
I haven't worked a full week since November 19. After the funeral, I went back to work 3 days a week, but then Christmas and New Year's were in there. I planned to go back full time after New Year, but then I got sick that week. The next week I had a doctor appointment, and the following week was MLK Day and the coroner's hearing. I really thought I would work all five days this week, but Maddy was sick on Monday. And now we're done with January. Perhaps I can work five days straight in February.
So why do I need a free day off, you ask? Well, even though I was home Monday, with Maddy sick (and I didn't feel so hot either), it's not like I got anything done, housework wise. Actually we curled up on the couch and watched TV and dozed off and on. I've been busy every night this week so I haven't had time to do laundry or clean. I'm going to my dad's this weekend for his birthday, so I'd like to have clean underwear. A friend is house-sitting for me while I'm gone, so I should probably clean the bathroom so he doesn't think I'm living in squalor. I did my taxes last night so my paperwork is scattered all over my dining room table.
Ergo, if we're off tomorrow because of the snow, I can do laundry and clean and straighten up and get some stuff done. Hopefully Maddy will be off school, so I don't have to get up early. I don't think it's a day off if I still have to get up, you know?
If you have to be out in the snow, be careful. If you don't have to be out in the snow, try to enjoy it.
Thursday, January 31, 2008
Wednesday, January 30, 2008
Wednesday Bites - The Food Edition
I'm eating gummi bears right now - the Haribo brand from Hungary. They are sooooo good. My favorites are the clear and the orange. I bought them last week when I was having a craving for sweets but decided to forgo the calories from chocolate. Yeah, I know, I read the nutrition info on the back of the bag - I could have had a Snickers. But gummi bears make me happy. I made this bag last for several days. That Snickers never stood a chance.
**************
I need to learn to cook for two. I love to cook, and I'm Southern, so cooking for a crowd is how I roll. Even when it was the five of us, I still had a lot of leftovers. I'm learning to scale back, but I still make too much. I will eat leftovers for lunch, but my kids never really cottoned to the idea of eating something two days in a row. Except macaroni and cheese.
*************
I had sushi for lunch today. I haven't had it in a long time, and I finally got my friend to go to this restaurant downtown - San Sai. I have to admit, I was a little disappointed in my tempura roll - it was a little too fishy for my taste. My spicy chicken bowl was tasty, though. Maybe I'll try the California roll next time.
**************
Do you think some foods are seasonal? I love white chili, but I can't see myself eating it in the summer. Conversely, I love pasta salad but I never eat it in winter.
************
I put a beef roast in my crock-pot this morning so we're having Italian beef for dinner. I can't wait. My house will smell deeeevine when I get home.
***********
Running update - 1.5 miles in 24 minutes last night. At this pace, I can finish the five miles just about the time they run out of beer.
**************
I need to learn to cook for two. I love to cook, and I'm Southern, so cooking for a crowd is how I roll. Even when it was the five of us, I still had a lot of leftovers. I'm learning to scale back, but I still make too much. I will eat leftovers for lunch, but my kids never really cottoned to the idea of eating something two days in a row. Except macaroni and cheese.
*************
I had sushi for lunch today. I haven't had it in a long time, and I finally got my friend to go to this restaurant downtown - San Sai. I have to admit, I was a little disappointed in my tempura roll - it was a little too fishy for my taste. My spicy chicken bowl was tasty, though. Maybe I'll try the California roll next time.
**************
Do you think some foods are seasonal? I love white chili, but I can't see myself eating it in the summer. Conversely, I love pasta salad but I never eat it in winter.
************
I put a beef roast in my crock-pot this morning so we're having Italian beef for dinner. I can't wait. My house will smell deeeevine when I get home.
***********
Running update - 1.5 miles in 24 minutes last night. At this pace, I can finish the five miles just about the time they run out of beer.
Tuesday, January 29, 2008
What now?
Today I sent off the girls' life insurance claims and some other paperwork. I feel...weird. I don't have a word to use to express what I'm feeling.
I had to wait to file their life insurance claims and student loan paperwork until I got the death certificates. I had to wait for the coroner's hearing to get the death certificates. I finally got them Saturday and mailed everything off today. Seeing it in black and white - (long silence)
I guess I'm the kind of person that, in order to deal with something like this, I focus on the logistics and legalities of the situation. More analytical than emotional. Now, don't think I'm cold and robotic about this because believe me, I've got all kinds of emotions going on. So, maybe to deal with the swirling cosmos of anger, hate, disbelief, sadness, depression, shock, loneliness, frustration, and all feelings related thereto, I've been concentrating on the paperwork. Planning the visitation and the funeral, contacting family, contacting the schools and doctors and insurance companies - that all got me through the first couple of weeks.
I finally got the thank-you notes sent out last week. That was hard. The days following their deaths are kind of a blur, so seeing a sympathy card or a note or flower card made me remember, "oh yeah, he/she was here," or "oh, those were pretty flowers." I still have a few left that I need to find addresses for, but the majority of them are sent. (And all of the plants I kept are still alive, which is an accomplishment as well).
So what am I waiting for now? I thought I'd feel a sense of relief or closure, but I don't.
I wonder if the person at the life insurance company or the student loan company who processes the paperwork will realize how wonderful the children behind the piece of paper were in their oh-so-short lives.
I had to wait to file their life insurance claims and student loan paperwork until I got the death certificates. I had to wait for the coroner's hearing to get the death certificates. I finally got them Saturday and mailed everything off today. Seeing it in black and white - (long silence)
I guess I'm the kind of person that, in order to deal with something like this, I focus on the logistics and legalities of the situation. More analytical than emotional. Now, don't think I'm cold and robotic about this because believe me, I've got all kinds of emotions going on. So, maybe to deal with the swirling cosmos of anger, hate, disbelief, sadness, depression, shock, loneliness, frustration, and all feelings related thereto, I've been concentrating on the paperwork. Planning the visitation and the funeral, contacting family, contacting the schools and doctors and insurance companies - that all got me through the first couple of weeks.
I finally got the thank-you notes sent out last week. That was hard. The days following their deaths are kind of a blur, so seeing a sympathy card or a note or flower card made me remember, "oh yeah, he/she was here," or "oh, those were pretty flowers." I still have a few left that I need to find addresses for, but the majority of them are sent. (And all of the plants I kept are still alive, which is an accomplishment as well).
So what am I waiting for now? I thought I'd feel a sense of relief or closure, but I don't.
I wonder if the person at the life insurance company or the student loan company who processes the paperwork will realize how wonderful the children behind the piece of paper were in their oh-so-short lives.
Monday, January 28, 2008
Quarantined
I've had a cold for the last few days. It started out with a headache, runny nose and scratchy throat for a day or two, and then the throat pain went away and I felt better. I was sneezing but I wasn't as, shall we say, runny as I had been. I thought I was on the road to recovery by Friday.
WRONG! I think I went through two boxes of tissue this weekend. My eyes water, I sneeze two or three times in a row, and I can't stop blowing my nose. Ugh.
We went to The Old Spaghetti Factory for dinner last night. It was my first time. I ordered chicken marsala, and it came with a side of spaghetti with browned butter and Mizithra cheese. I had no idea what it was but it looked like grated parmesan or romano, so I thought I was safe. (I can't eat certain kinds of cheese or dairy, it makes me horribly ungodly sick). It was delicious. I found out, after I ate ALL of it, that it's goat cheese. Of course - that's why it was so good. I made it home, but I was miserable for two hours.
After I finally went to bed, Maddy woke me up at 2 am to report that she'd upchucked. In the living room. And she'd had fettucine and salad for dinner. I love being a parent.
I hate when my kids are sick, especially this kind of sick. I can't do anything for them, other than hold their hair back, give them a cold washcloth for the back of their neck, and rub their backs. Sometimes, mommy medicine is all they need.
It's been almost an hour since her last visit to the bathroom. Hopefully she's on the road to recovery.
WRONG! I think I went through two boxes of tissue this weekend. My eyes water, I sneeze two or three times in a row, and I can't stop blowing my nose. Ugh.
We went to The Old Spaghetti Factory for dinner last night. It was my first time. I ordered chicken marsala, and it came with a side of spaghetti with browned butter and Mizithra cheese. I had no idea what it was but it looked like grated parmesan or romano, so I thought I was safe. (I can't eat certain kinds of cheese or dairy, it makes me horribly ungodly sick). It was delicious. I found out, after I ate ALL of it, that it's goat cheese. Of course - that's why it was so good. I made it home, but I was miserable for two hours.
After I finally went to bed, Maddy woke me up at 2 am to report that she'd upchucked. In the living room. And she'd had fettucine and salad for dinner. I love being a parent.
I hate when my kids are sick, especially this kind of sick. I can't do anything for them, other than hold their hair back, give them a cold washcloth for the back of their neck, and rub their backs. Sometimes, mommy medicine is all they need.
It's been almost an hour since her last visit to the bathroom. Hopefully she's on the road to recovery.
Wednesday, January 23, 2008
126 mph
The coroner's inquest hearing was today for my daughters' deaths. In our state, if you die of anything other than natural causes, a coroner's investigation is held to determine cause and manner of death.
The accident reconstruction officer from the state police stated that the trooper was travelling at 126 mph 2 seconds before he hit my girls. He was travelling 102 mph when he hit their car. They were killed on impact.
The jury returned a verdict of reckless homicide against the trooper.
Tuesday, January 22, 2008
In other news...
I haven't ran or eaten well in the last few days. Things haven't been exactly fabulous lately, so I've been having a pity party, but I hope to snap out of it soon. I've also been doing the fast food/pizza thing for dinner too much. Amazing how that crap can sap your energy. I also blame the weather, the full moon, PMS, and some strange electro-magnetic force that causes me to lay on the couch at night instead of running.
Today I started anew and had a chicken salad for lunch, and I'll have a decent dinner. I won't run but I'll be doing laundry, so that's a few up and down trips on the stairs. I have a pilates DVD, so maybe Maddy and I will break that out tonight.
I also need to quit eating stupid stuff at night. However, since I've eaten most of the stupid stuff I had in stock (like Cheez Its and chocolate chip cookies and Fritos and chicken wing dip), I will refrain from buying more.
Thanks to all of you for your e-love and support. It's so wonderful to know that you all are there for me. Thanks to A Bun's Life for her shout-out, too. (Note the link! I rock!)
Today I started anew and had a chicken salad for lunch, and I'll have a decent dinner. I won't run but I'll be doing laundry, so that's a few up and down trips on the stairs. I have a pilates DVD, so maybe Maddy and I will break that out tonight.
I also need to quit eating stupid stuff at night. However, since I've eaten most of the stupid stuff I had in stock (like Cheez Its and chocolate chip cookies and Fritos and chicken wing dip), I will refrain from buying more.
Thanks to all of you for your e-love and support. It's so wonderful to know that you all are there for me. Thanks to A Bun's Life for her shout-out, too. (Note the link! I rock!)
Party Pics
As promised, here are pictures from Maddy's birthday:
The Haul
The Haul
OMG! A bike! (I hid it in the kitchen)
Yes, she rode it in the house.
She also got a Razr scooter. It was 16 degrees, but she didn't care.
The bowling girls
After my presents and her birthday party presents, I believe she has 942 Webkinz and 84 Nintendo DS games. I might exaggerate a bit, but not much.
Friday, January 18, 2008
Happy Happy Birthday Baby!
Today is Maddy's 9th birthday. Officially, she's not 9 until about 8:00 p.m., so yesterday she was singing "Tomorrow I'm 9 at 8, I'm 9 at 8." It was quite cute.
Shhhh, don't tell her, but I bought her a bike. It's a red Mongoose bike with pegs. She wanted a bike with pedal brakes so she could powerslide. She picked it out, and when I pointed out it was a boy's bike she said, "So?" as in "What, girls can't ride boy's bikes?" Oookay, sorry, dude, my mistake.
She also wanted a Razr scooter. My friend bought her that. I also have checked and I have kick-ass insurance. I'm going to need it. I also bought her a lovely pink helmet. She is a girl, really.
I also bought her a new outfit, and some Webkinz. Since she has most of the household pets, we're starting on farm animals. I bought the cow and horse.
Finally I found a really good deal on this bathrobe from American Eagle. She likes to wear my big terrycloth robe, but it's so huge on her. This one has a hood. I'm jealous.
She's having her birthday party tomorrow at the bowling alley. I'll post pics on Monday.
Happy Birthday Madelyn! (note the organized junk drawer!)
Shhhh, don't tell her, but I bought her a bike. It's a red Mongoose bike with pegs. She wanted a bike with pedal brakes so she could powerslide. She picked it out, and when I pointed out it was a boy's bike she said, "So?" as in "What, girls can't ride boy's bikes?" Oookay, sorry, dude, my mistake.
She also wanted a Razr scooter. My friend bought her that. I also have checked and I have kick-ass insurance. I'm going to need it. I also bought her a lovely pink helmet. She is a girl, really.
I also bought her a new outfit, and some Webkinz. Since she has most of the household pets, we're starting on farm animals. I bought the cow and horse.
Finally I found a really good deal on this bathrobe from American Eagle. She likes to wear my big terrycloth robe, but it's so huge on her. This one has a hood. I'm jealous.
She's having her birthday party tomorrow at the bowling alley. I'll post pics on Monday.
Happy Birthday Madelyn! (note the organized junk drawer!)
Thursday, January 17, 2008
Behold...
the organized junk drawer. It's so beautiful.
I'm so proud of me. It only took about 45 minutes. I was under the gun because I had to pick up Maddy from church.
I have a huge sense of accomplishment. All is organized and easy to see, locate and RETURN TO ITS PLACE!
Maddy opened the drawer and asked "Wow! So, how long will it stay like this?" I said, "as long as we put things back where they came from, we should keep it neat." I actually said it with a straight face and all intentions of keeping it neat. 24 hours later, it's still neat.
Baby steps, people.
I'm so proud of me. It only took about 45 minutes. I was under the gun because I had to pick up Maddy from church. I found 10 (TEN!) big pads of post-its, 7 of which were in various stages of use. I found about a dozen little pads. I have a serious post-it note addiction.
Also resurfacing from the abyss were a bazillion pens, the pencil sharpener, a birthday card Jessica gave me last year (*sniff*), Maddy and Kelli's report cards (*sniff sniff*), a post-it(!) with the phone number of Kelli's cheer coach that we were frantically looking for in October, four undeveloped disposable cameras (two of which I know are Kelli's), phone numbers I wrote down in haste during the first few days after the accident and misplaced, and various paperclips, binder clips, screws, and other, well, junk.
I have a huge sense of accomplishment. All is organized and easy to see, locate and RETURN TO ITS PLACE!
Maddy opened the drawer and asked "Wow! So, how long will it stay like this?" I said, "as long as we put things back where they came from, we should keep it neat." I actually said it with a straight face and all intentions of keeping it neat. 24 hours later, it's still neat.
Baby steps, people.
Some Days
I woke up at 7:40 am, thinking, holy crap, did the power go out? I set my alarm...oh hell, I forgot to re-set it from yesterday. Crap, I'm late.
I wake up Maddy and we rush around, and get out the door about 20 minutes late. As we're leaving, I put on my (adorably cute and purchased on sale!) short trench coat and riiiiippp - I somehow managed to rip the underarm. Crap squared. Maddy said it wasn't bad, so out the door we go.
I have a gift card for Macy's, so I planned to run over on my lunch break and see what I could find, and maybe grab some of their fabulous French Onion Soup. The weather today is drizzly, windy and just plain raw out there. Soup would be good.
I got to Macy's about 11:15 and almost yanked my arm out of the socket - the doors were locked. Hmmmm. There's a small sign, probably 5 inches square, that says they're closed until noon for their huge clearance sale. Well, crap to the third. I went to the BBQ place and had a sandwich and dirty rice. Not soup, but still nice. As I was putting on my coat to leave, it ripped some more. Crap quattro.
On my way back, I had to get something out of my car, so I went to the parking garage. I took the stairs, since I'm not able to run tonight. I looked and didn't see my car, so I went up another flight. Nope. I knew I wasn't up that high, so I went back down. Didn't see it. I hate hate hate HATE losing my car in a parking garage. I finally found it - on the level I was originally on, I just didn't look far enough down the row. Blind crap.
It's only 12:45, so there's plenty of time for this day to turn around. Doubtful, but possible.
I wake up Maddy and we rush around, and get out the door about 20 minutes late. As we're leaving, I put on my (adorably cute and purchased on sale!) short trench coat and riiiiippp - I somehow managed to rip the underarm. Crap squared. Maddy said it wasn't bad, so out the door we go.
I have a gift card for Macy's, so I planned to run over on my lunch break and see what I could find, and maybe grab some of their fabulous French Onion Soup. The weather today is drizzly, windy and just plain raw out there. Soup would be good.
I got to Macy's about 11:15 and almost yanked my arm out of the socket - the doors were locked. Hmmmm. There's a small sign, probably 5 inches square, that says they're closed until noon for their huge clearance sale. Well, crap to the third. I went to the BBQ place and had a sandwich and dirty rice. Not soup, but still nice. As I was putting on my coat to leave, it ripped some more. Crap quattro.
On my way back, I had to get something out of my car, so I went to the parking garage. I took the stairs, since I'm not able to run tonight. I looked and didn't see my car, so I went up another flight. Nope. I knew I wasn't up that high, so I went back down. Didn't see it. I hate hate hate HATE losing my car in a parking garage. I finally found it - on the level I was originally on, I just didn't look far enough down the row. Blind crap.
It's only 12:45, so there's plenty of time for this day to turn around. Doubtful, but possible.
Wednesday, January 16, 2008
Wednesday Bites - The Photo Edition
Tulips! In January! From Wal-Mart!
This unholy mess is my junk drawer. My goal is to get it organized. 
See? I've bought organizers and everything!
My new best friend. This stuff is yummy!
This kid cracks me up. Get it?
Happy Wednesday!!
Tuesday, January 15, 2008
5 Mile Training Diary, Days 1 and 2
This diary started off yesterday as a funny email to my running partner, Kristen. I think I'll use it occasionally to keep you updated on my progress.
Monday's Entry:
Dear Diary -
Today is my first day of intense training for the 5 mile run in two months. I ate a yummy Lean Cuisine Panini sandwich and SunChips for lunch. I'm really looking forward to running on the treadmill tonight. My goal is to run two miles by the beginning of next week and try to average about 11 - 12 minutes each mile.
Okay, seriously, who I am kidding? I'll be lucky to run 11 minutes and not fall off.
Here goes nothing.
Love, Kim
********
Tuesday's Entry:
Dear Diary:
On Monday I briskly walked/ran/briskly walked 1.3 miles on the treadmill in about 20 minutes. I kept my speed at 3 to 4.5 MPH. I tried to run at 5 MPH and I scared me. I wanted to keep up but my feet had other plans. However, I didn't fall down. Or pass out. Yay me. I also ate healthy for dinner - I had a grilled chicken quesadilla from Taco Bell but only ate half. I did not eat nachos. Or cinnamon crisps. Okay, one. But it was small.
I was feeling very good and proud of me. I had done much better than I thought I would. I was looking forward to getting back into the groove of exercising and feeling better. That feeling lasted until my dim witted f-nut of an ex-husband called and ruined my evening.
I maintained my resolve of healthy eating, and did not ravage the bag of Munchie Mix, even though it was calling me in that seductive voice - "I'm open, I'm here, I don't judge." However, after 15 phone calls (I do not exaggerate), an unexpected arrival of aforementioned DWFN on my front porch, DWFN exiting the premises and slamming the door, causing my doorbell housing to detach from the wall, and yet more phone calls, the adrenaline was too much for me and I had a small piece of leftover sausage pizza. I needed the protein because I was feeling shaky.
So, Diary, I will be running again tonight, and I hope to run at least a mile and a half tonight in under 30 minutes.
The ex can suck it.
Love, Kim
Monday's Entry:
Dear Diary -
Today is my first day of intense training for the 5 mile run in two months. I ate a yummy Lean Cuisine Panini sandwich and SunChips for lunch. I'm really looking forward to running on the treadmill tonight. My goal is to run two miles by the beginning of next week and try to average about 11 - 12 minutes each mile.
Okay, seriously, who I am kidding? I'll be lucky to run 11 minutes and not fall off.
Here goes nothing.
Love, Kim
********
Tuesday's Entry:
Dear Diary:
On Monday I briskly walked/ran/briskly walked 1.3 miles on the treadmill in about 20 minutes. I kept my speed at 3 to 4.5 MPH. I tried to run at 5 MPH and I scared me. I wanted to keep up but my feet had other plans. However, I didn't fall down. Or pass out. Yay me. I also ate healthy for dinner - I had a grilled chicken quesadilla from Taco Bell but only ate half. I did not eat nachos. Or cinnamon crisps. Okay, one. But it was small.
I was feeling very good and proud of me. I had done much better than I thought I would. I was looking forward to getting back into the groove of exercising and feeling better. That feeling lasted until my dim witted f-nut of an ex-husband called and ruined my evening.
I maintained my resolve of healthy eating, and did not ravage the bag of Munchie Mix, even though it was calling me in that seductive voice - "I'm open, I'm here, I don't judge." However, after 15 phone calls (I do not exaggerate), an unexpected arrival of aforementioned DWFN on my front porch, DWFN exiting the premises and slamming the door, causing my doorbell housing to detach from the wall, and yet more phone calls, the adrenaline was too much for me and I had a small piece of leftover sausage pizza. I needed the protein because I was feeling shaky.
So, Diary, I will be running again tonight, and I hope to run at least a mile and a half tonight in under 30 minutes.
The ex can suck it.
Love, Kim
Monday, January 14, 2008
Running Down a Dream
I have Tom Petty on the brain today, probably because he's doing the Super Bowl halftime show. No chance of a wardrobe malfunction there (please God!). Anyway, the song title fits what I wanted to write about today - running, and a dream.
I wrote a previous post about my dream where my daughter called me. I told a couple of my close friends about it, and they also had dreams about my girls, around the same time I did. I'm more convinced they my girls were just checking in and saying hey, we're good. Thanks to all of you who told me your stories too.
As for running, I also mentioned earlier that I was thinking of running in the 5 mile St. Pat's Day Run. Well, I've got a running partner now, so I guess I better get moving, literally. My training so far has involved...nothing. The run is in two months. I start tonight in earnest, but not too earnest. I don't want to pull a hammie or anything. Mmmm, ham...oh, yeah, running.
I've been lazy about my eating and exercising habits and I need to get out of this rut. I feel tired and generally blah when I get up in the mornings, and my energy isn't what I know it can be. When I eat better and work out, I feel better. So, I'm cracking the whip on myself. I need all the help I can get to feel good again.
I wrote a previous post about my dream where my daughter called me. I told a couple of my close friends about it, and they also had dreams about my girls, around the same time I did. I'm more convinced they my girls were just checking in and saying hey, we're good. Thanks to all of you who told me your stories too.
As for running, I also mentioned earlier that I was thinking of running in the 5 mile St. Pat's Day Run. Well, I've got a running partner now, so I guess I better get moving, literally. My training so far has involved...nothing. The run is in two months. I start tonight in earnest, but not too earnest. I don't want to pull a hammie or anything. Mmmm, ham...oh, yeah, running.
I've been lazy about my eating and exercising habits and I need to get out of this rut. I feel tired and generally blah when I get up in the mornings, and my energy isn't what I know it can be. When I eat better and work out, I feel better. So, I'm cracking the whip on myself. I need all the help I can get to feel good again.
Friday, January 11, 2008
The Cyber-Doctor is In
Have you ever gone to WebMD and scared the hell out of yourself? Once, Maddy complained that her neck hurt. She also felt warm. I log on, enter the symptoms and OMG! MENINGITIS! AAAAAHHHH! Yeah, she was fine. She slept wrong.
I can't hear out of my right ear. It's been clogged all week, and it's ringing. It doesn't hurt...yet. I've tried popping it, using the earwax removal rinse, and doing the "hold your nose and blow" thing. That gave me a headache. Nothing worked. It's annoying to have to say "huh?" or keep the talker on my left side.
I have a doctor appointment on Tuesday. It's probably drainage from my allergies that's gommed up in there. But just for fun, I went to WebMD. I could have a blocked eustachian tube, or possibly an ear infection. It might be airplane ear but since I haven't been on plane since August...I think not. I was surprised that I didn't have scurvy, or a brain tumor? How boring.
Go to WebMD and enter a symptom. You could have anything. For example, "dry cough" turns up whooping cough, the flu, or acid reflux. Seriously? Acid reflux? Huh. Who knew? (If you have acid reflux and a dry cough, then you knew and I apologize).
Don't get me wrong, I've used WebMD in other cases and it's helped. Overall, I think it's a great resource. However, I wonder how many times a doctor's office receives a panicked call from some freaked-out patient who has misdiagnosed from WebMD?
I can't hear out of my right ear. It's been clogged all week, and it's ringing. It doesn't hurt...yet. I've tried popping it, using the earwax removal rinse, and doing the "hold your nose and blow" thing. That gave me a headache. Nothing worked. It's annoying to have to say "huh?" or keep the talker on my left side.
I have a doctor appointment on Tuesday. It's probably drainage from my allergies that's gommed up in there. But just for fun, I went to WebMD. I could have a blocked eustachian tube, or possibly an ear infection. It might be airplane ear but since I haven't been on plane since August...I think not. I was surprised that I didn't have scurvy, or a brain tumor? How boring.
Go to WebMD and enter a symptom. You could have anything. For example, "dry cough" turns up whooping cough, the flu, or acid reflux. Seriously? Acid reflux? Huh. Who knew? (If you have acid reflux and a dry cough, then you knew and I apologize).
Don't get me wrong, I've used WebMD in other cases and it's helped. Overall, I think it's a great resource. However, I wonder how many times a doctor's office receives a panicked call from some freaked-out patient who has misdiagnosed from WebMD?
Thursday, January 10, 2008
Dreams
I'm not going to sugar coat it - this post was hard to write. I've struggled the last few days with the decision to post it. On one hand, posting about my daughters is therapeutic. On the other hand, it causes the pain to slam into me so hard I feel like I can't breathe.
I had a dream the other night that Jessica called me. I answered the phone and she started talking to me, like normal. "Hey, what are you doing?" (That was always her response to my "Hello.") I heard this in my dream and although I could hear her voice speaking, I don't know what she said after that because I was thinking "what the hell? She can't be calling me, she's dead." So when she stopped talking I said "where are you?" She said "me and Kelli are just hanging out. I hadn't talked to you in a while." I said, "Jessica, you can't be calling me." She asked "why not?" (in that 18-year old tone of voice that knows everything) and I started crying and I said "how's Kelli? Are you taking care of her?" And then I heard Kelli's voice say in the background "tell Mom I said hi."
Well, now I'm really crying (in the dream) and I said "Jessica, I don't know how to tell you this. You're dead, and so is Kelli. There was a car accident." And I heard her laugh that laugh that was genuine amusement (not the 18-year old I'm too cool to really laugh at my mom's jokes so I'll do this fake laugh) and she said "Whatever. Anyway, I've got to go, I'll talk to you later." And she was gone.
I woke up. I checked the Caller ID to see if her number was there. Of course it wasn't. I sat in the floor and cried. The kind of crying that hurts, and you can't catch your breath, and starts to border on hysterical. I didn't try to stop it, I just let it out. Strangely, I felt better when I was done.
I got back in bed and remembered that someone told me that when I dream about my girls it means they are visiting me. So I look at the dreams I have about them as little visits. It's cold comfort, but it's something.
I had a dream the other night that Jessica called me. I answered the phone and she started talking to me, like normal. "Hey, what are you doing?" (That was always her response to my "Hello.") I heard this in my dream and although I could hear her voice speaking, I don't know what she said after that because I was thinking "what the hell? She can't be calling me, she's dead." So when she stopped talking I said "where are you?" She said "me and Kelli are just hanging out. I hadn't talked to you in a while." I said, "Jessica, you can't be calling me." She asked "why not?" (in that 18-year old tone of voice that knows everything) and I started crying and I said "how's Kelli? Are you taking care of her?" And then I heard Kelli's voice say in the background "tell Mom I said hi."
Well, now I'm really crying (in the dream) and I said "Jessica, I don't know how to tell you this. You're dead, and so is Kelli. There was a car accident." And I heard her laugh that laugh that was genuine amusement (not the 18-year old I'm too cool to really laugh at my mom's jokes so I'll do this fake laugh) and she said "Whatever. Anyway, I've got to go, I'll talk to you later." And she was gone.
I woke up. I checked the Caller ID to see if her number was there. Of course it wasn't. I sat in the floor and cried. The kind of crying that hurts, and you can't catch your breath, and starts to border on hysterical. I didn't try to stop it, I just let it out. Strangely, I felt better when I was done.
I got back in bed and remembered that someone told me that when I dream about my girls it means they are visiting me. So I look at the dreams I have about them as little visits. It's cold comfort, but it's something.
Wednesday Bites - The Thursday Edition
I was sick yesterday with the stomach flu that's going around. I'm feeling better today.
******
Another reason to quit smoking - it cuts your teeth cleaning time in half. I went to the dentist recently and it only took about 15 minutes to clean them. Even my dentist noticed they're whiter and easier to clean. If only someone had told me that years ago. There are a thousand things I'd rather do than go to the dentist.
*******
My favorite football team, the Dallas Cowboys, are in the playoffs this weekend. Here's hoping they play much better than they have in their last few games. I don't think it's fair to blame Jessica Simpson for Tony Romo's poor performance. But if they don't win, I won't be going to see her latest movie. Oh wait, no one is anyway.
*******
Maddy starts gymnastics tonight. She's adorable but athleticism isn't her strong suit. She was pretty excited about buying shorts and warm-ups for her classes. That's my girl! When I started golfing I had more fun buying the skorts and polos and shoes. I can't play worth a damn but I look good.
*******
Happy birthday, Rod Stewart!
******
Another reason to quit smoking - it cuts your teeth cleaning time in half. I went to the dentist recently and it only took about 15 minutes to clean them. Even my dentist noticed they're whiter and easier to clean. If only someone had told me that years ago. There are a thousand things I'd rather do than go to the dentist.
*******
My favorite football team, the Dallas Cowboys, are in the playoffs this weekend. Here's hoping they play much better than they have in their last few games. I don't think it's fair to blame Jessica Simpson for Tony Romo's poor performance. But if they don't win, I won't be going to see her latest movie. Oh wait, no one is anyway.
*******
Maddy starts gymnastics tonight. She's adorable but athleticism isn't her strong suit. She was pretty excited about buying shorts and warm-ups for her classes. That's my girl! When I started golfing I had more fun buying the skorts and polos and shoes. I can't play worth a damn but I look good.
*******
Happy birthday, Rod Stewart!
Tuesday, January 8, 2008
Foe Toes
Get it? Foe Toes? Photos? *crickets chirping*
Uh, okay. Anyway, I conquered the whole photo upload thang, so here are some shots of Maddy and me from New Year's Eve (in case you thought we always wore our tiaras around the house).
We are sex-ay, no?
Uh, okay. Anyway, I conquered the whole photo upload thang, so here are some shots of Maddy and me from New Year's Eve (in case you thought we always wore our tiaras around the house).
Pre-Party
Supermodel Mom
Maddy Working the 'Tude
We are sex-ay, no?
Monday, January 7, 2008
Choices
I've been thinking about choices today. It started this morning as I was trying to decide whether or not to get out of bed and go to work. (Steel Magnolias was on TNT last night and I was up past midnight watching it. 900 channels and I pick a movie I've seen 900 times. ) I chose to get up and get dressed. Yay me.
(And what's up with the 900 channels and nothing to watch? I'd watch a DVD but I'd have to decide which one. )
Now what to wear? Thank goodness my choices were limited as I have chosen to avoid doing laundry.
Lunchtime- oh no. Where to go? What to have? At the deli downstairs, it was a veritable smorgasbord of food. The drink case alone was a rainbow of colors - juice and tea and colored water. Did I want a ham and cheese sandwich? Or roast beef? Oooh, salad! But what kind? Winter greens? Cobb? Fried chicken? (Which looked good but then I saw the tomatoes and boiled egg. Ugh.) I chose the roast beef sandwich. Now for chips - baked or fried? Cheese or plain? Sour cream? Jalepeno? Pretzels or Cheez-It's? *head explodes*
I'm also in the process of choosing a new paint color for my bathroom. Why do they name these colors after food? As you can see, I have enough trouble picking lunch. I'm deciding among Biscuit, Vannilin (which I assume is a clever spelling of vanilla), and Spun Sugar. I did stumble across a color called Nonchalant White. I want a decisive paint color, thankyouverymuch. As I am not decisive.
In high school, we had a foreign exchange student who was from Czechoslovakia (yeah, it was 20 years ago). She said she was amazed the first time she went a grocery store in America - we had options beyond belief. But sometimes I think maybe we have too many. How many brands of green beans do we need, really?
I was also trying to decide what my topic today would be. I have some ideas boinging around in my head that I'm going to try to expand in the next few days. I also wrote them down so I wouldn't forget. (See my previous post and if I knew how to link to it I would. PS -thanks to those of you offering me technical help.)
So anyway. Thanks for choosing to read my blog today.
(And what's up with the 900 channels and nothing to watch? I'd watch a DVD but I'd have to decide which one. )
Now what to wear? Thank goodness my choices were limited as I have chosen to avoid doing laundry.
Lunchtime- oh no. Where to go? What to have? At the deli downstairs, it was a veritable smorgasbord of food. The drink case alone was a rainbow of colors - juice and tea and colored water. Did I want a ham and cheese sandwich? Or roast beef? Oooh, salad! But what kind? Winter greens? Cobb? Fried chicken? (Which looked good but then I saw the tomatoes and boiled egg. Ugh.) I chose the roast beef sandwich. Now for chips - baked or fried? Cheese or plain? Sour cream? Jalepeno? Pretzels or Cheez-It's? *head explodes*
I'm also in the process of choosing a new paint color for my bathroom. Why do they name these colors after food? As you can see, I have enough trouble picking lunch. I'm deciding among Biscuit, Vannilin (which I assume is a clever spelling of vanilla), and Spun Sugar. I did stumble across a color called Nonchalant White. I want a decisive paint color, thankyouverymuch. As I am not decisive.
In high school, we had a foreign exchange student who was from Czechoslovakia (yeah, it was 20 years ago). She said she was amazed the first time she went a grocery store in America - we had options beyond belief. But sometimes I think maybe we have too many. How many brands of green beans do we need, really?
I was also trying to decide what my topic today would be. I have some ideas boinging around in my head that I'm going to try to expand in the next few days. I also wrote them down so I wouldn't forget. (See my previous post and if I knew how to link to it I would. PS -thanks to those of you offering me technical help.)
So anyway. Thanks for choosing to read my blog today.
Friday, January 4, 2008
Meme Friday
I've never been tagged (sob!), so I'm tagging myself. I don't care if I can't do that, it's my blog! So there! And if you want to put it on your blog, feel free. I "borrowed" this one from MP http://bbmpsecondjournal.blogspot.com/
Whats your name spelt backwards?: Mik
What did you do last night?: Cleaned my house, did laundry, studied multiplication tables with Maddy
The last thing you downloaded onto your computer?: iTunes
Have you ever licked a 9 volt battery?: Yes, I'm strange
Last time you swam in a pool?: December
What are you wearing?: Jeans, maroon tank and black cardigan
How many cars have you owned?: 11
Type of music you dislike most?: Thrash rock
Are you registered to vote?: Yes
Do you have cable?: Not cable, but Directv
What kind of computer do you use?: Dell Inspirion Laptop
Ever made a prank phone call?: Yes
You like anyone right now?: I like lots of people. But to paraphrase MP's answer, "Are we in junior high?"
Would you go bungee jumping or sky diving?: I've bungee jumped, so sky diving it is
Furthest place you ever traveled?: Mexico
What's your favorite comic strip?: Pearls Before Swine
Do you know all the words to the national anthem?: Yes
Shower, morning or night?: Morning
Best movie you've seen in the past month?: There's only 4 days in the month so far. Last month would be The Golden Compass
Favorite pizza toppings?: Sausage, mushroom and onion
Chips or popcorn?: Hmmm, depends. With a movie, popcorn. Just to munch - Doritos
What cell phone provider do you have?: Cingular/AT&T/Whatever they are this week
Have you ever smoked peanut shells?: No! Eww! Who does that?
Have you ever been in a beauty pageant?: Yes, I was 3. I think I won.
Orange Juice or apple?: Orange
Who were the last people you sat at lunch with?: My friend Craig
Favorite chocolate bar?: Three Musketeers
Who is your longest friend and how long?: Longest, like length? Ha ha. I guess it would be Lynn, 15 years. She's also my tallest friend.
Last time you ate a homegrown tomato?: Yuck, never.
Have you ever won a trophy?: Nope, but I got a ribbon for the beauty pagent
Favorite arcade game?: Qbert
Ever ordered from an infomercial?: No
Sprite or 7-UP?: Diet 7-up
Have you ever had to wear a uniform to school/work?: Work, but not school
Last thing you bought at Walgreens?: A Christmas Story ornament
Ever thrown up in public?: Yes
Would you prefer being a millionaire or finding true love?: Ah, love
Do you believe in love at first sight?: Yes
SPONGEBOB OR JIMMY NEUTRON?: Spongebob (why is this question in caps?)
Did you have long hair as a young kid?: Yes, I could sit on it.
What message is on your voicemail machine?: Hi, we can't get to the phone. Leave a message.
Where would you like to go right now?: Florida
Whats the name of your pet?: Deedee and Nolan
What kind of back pack do you have, and what's in it?: No backpack, I'm almost 40.
What do you think about most?: Vacation
**EDIT - I don't know how to tag people, 'cause I'm not good with the fancy HTML stuff. Have you noticed I don't have pictures? I'm sad. So, if you read this, consider yourself tagged. This means you, Raquita.
Whats your name spelt backwards?: Mik
What did you do last night?: Cleaned my house, did laundry, studied multiplication tables with Maddy
The last thing you downloaded onto your computer?: iTunes
Have you ever licked a 9 volt battery?: Yes, I'm strange
Last time you swam in a pool?: December
What are you wearing?: Jeans, maroon tank and black cardigan
How many cars have you owned?: 11
Type of music you dislike most?: Thrash rock
Are you registered to vote?: Yes
Do you have cable?: Not cable, but Directv
What kind of computer do you use?: Dell Inspirion Laptop
Ever made a prank phone call?: Yes
You like anyone right now?: I like lots of people. But to paraphrase MP's answer, "Are we in junior high?"
Would you go bungee jumping or sky diving?: I've bungee jumped, so sky diving it is
Furthest place you ever traveled?: Mexico
What's your favorite comic strip?: Pearls Before Swine
Do you know all the words to the national anthem?: Yes
Shower, morning or night?: Morning
Best movie you've seen in the past month?: There's only 4 days in the month so far. Last month would be The Golden Compass
Favorite pizza toppings?: Sausage, mushroom and onion
Chips or popcorn?: Hmmm, depends. With a movie, popcorn. Just to munch - Doritos
What cell phone provider do you have?: Cingular/AT&T/Whatever they are this week
Have you ever smoked peanut shells?: No! Eww! Who does that?
Have you ever been in a beauty pageant?: Yes, I was 3. I think I won.
Orange Juice or apple?: Orange
Who were the last people you sat at lunch with?: My friend Craig
Favorite chocolate bar?: Three Musketeers
Who is your longest friend and how long?: Longest, like length? Ha ha. I guess it would be Lynn, 15 years. She's also my tallest friend.
Last time you ate a homegrown tomato?: Yuck, never.
Have you ever won a trophy?: Nope, but I got a ribbon for the beauty pagent
Favorite arcade game?: Qbert
Ever ordered from an infomercial?: No
Sprite or 7-UP?: Diet 7-up
Have you ever had to wear a uniform to school/work?: Work, but not school
Last thing you bought at Walgreens?: A Christmas Story ornament
Ever thrown up in public?: Yes
Would you prefer being a millionaire or finding true love?: Ah, love
Do you believe in love at first sight?: Yes
SPONGEBOB OR JIMMY NEUTRON?: Spongebob (why is this question in caps?)
Did you have long hair as a young kid?: Yes, I could sit on it.
What message is on your voicemail machine?: Hi, we can't get to the phone. Leave a message.
Where would you like to go right now?: Florida
Whats the name of your pet?: Deedee and Nolan
What kind of back pack do you have, and what's in it?: No backpack, I'm almost 40.
What do you think about most?: Vacation
**EDIT - I don't know how to tag people, 'cause I'm not good with the fancy HTML stuff. Have you noticed I don't have pictures? I'm sad. So, if you read this, consider yourself tagged. This means you, Raquita.
Thursday, January 3, 2008
Sun and Sand and a Drink in My Hand
My brother, Travis, left for Iraq. He called me from Norfolk, VA around 11:00 am yesterday to tell me he was getting ready to fly to Washington DC to catch a plane to Germany, and from there he would fly to Bahrain. He's in the Coast Guard so he'll be on a cutter patrolling the oil rigs and shipping routes.
He should be able to come home in the next 4-6 months, and I'm hoping that Maddy and I can fly out to San Diego to see him when he comes home. She's never been on a plane or seen the ocean. I've never been to San Diego.
Jessica and Kelli and I flew to Dallas when they were 7 and 2. I was worried that Kelli would be scared but Jessica ended up being the one who freaked out a little bit. She didn't want to look out the window at the clouds, but once we could see the ground, she was okay.
When my brother was stationed in Panama City, he took Jessica and Kelli for a week. I have a picture of the three of them in the ocean. I'm glad they got to see it. I first saw it, at the ripe age of 30. (I'd been landlocked for quite a while.) At that time Travis was stationed outside Sarasota. The white sand beaches were so beautiful and the ocean - my God. I grew up on a lake so I love the water, but to stand on the shore and not see the opposite one - wow. I felt so small. One night there was a full moon and we sat on the beach at midnight and the moon was so huge, reflected in the water, hanging just right at the horizon. If I close my eyes, I can still see it, and hear the waves, and remember the feeling of peacefulness I had then. I use that memory quite a lot now.
I've also started planning a trip for me and Maddy to Sarasota. We may not go, because we may go to San Diego, but for me, part of the fun of a trip is the planning. I love going on sites like TripAdvisor to read reviews of hotels, and sending away for brochures and information. We won't be staying at the Ritz, but it's neat to dream about the expensive places.
I guess since Jess and Kelli died, I have a sense of urgency to make sure that Maddy gets to experience things before it's too late. Maybe that's why I really think I'll take her to Florida. And if she gets to go to San Diego this year too, then bonus! I'm not trying to spoil her, I just don't want to have any regrets. Life is short.
He should be able to come home in the next 4-6 months, and I'm hoping that Maddy and I can fly out to San Diego to see him when he comes home. She's never been on a plane or seen the ocean. I've never been to San Diego.
Jessica and Kelli and I flew to Dallas when they were 7 and 2. I was worried that Kelli would be scared but Jessica ended up being the one who freaked out a little bit. She didn't want to look out the window at the clouds, but once we could see the ground, she was okay.
When my brother was stationed in Panama City, he took Jessica and Kelli for a week. I have a picture of the three of them in the ocean. I'm glad they got to see it. I first saw it, at the ripe age of 30. (I'd been landlocked for quite a while.) At that time Travis was stationed outside Sarasota. The white sand beaches were so beautiful and the ocean - my God. I grew up on a lake so I love the water, but to stand on the shore and not see the opposite one - wow. I felt so small. One night there was a full moon and we sat on the beach at midnight and the moon was so huge, reflected in the water, hanging just right at the horizon. If I close my eyes, I can still see it, and hear the waves, and remember the feeling of peacefulness I had then. I use that memory quite a lot now.
I've also started planning a trip for me and Maddy to Sarasota. We may not go, because we may go to San Diego, but for me, part of the fun of a trip is the planning. I love going on sites like TripAdvisor to read reviews of hotels, and sending away for brochures and information. We won't be staying at the Ritz, but it's neat to dream about the expensive places.
I guess since Jess and Kelli died, I have a sense of urgency to make sure that Maddy gets to experience things before it's too late. Maybe that's why I really think I'll take her to Florida. And if she gets to go to San Diego this year too, then bonus! I'm not trying to spoil her, I just don't want to have any regrets. Life is short.
Wednesday, January 2, 2008
Wednesday Bites - First One of 2008
I'm getting used to the work week beginning on Wednesday. I wonder how I'll handle actually working a full week?
************
This morning when I left for work it was 7 degrees. It's up to 13 now. The forecast calls for 60 on Saturday. We will probably have a blizzard in April.
************
Highway 40 is officially closed. All reports indicate it's not a big deal...so far. I think this may be similar to when the Pope visited - all hype and no problem. Sidenot - it was 60 when he visited, too. Coincidence?
***********
The ban on smoking in Illinois went into effect yesterday. As an ex-smoker, I can understand the frustration of those who do smoke. Honestly, the fact that smokers were being treated as criminals was one of the reasons I quit. However, I will also enjoy being able to go have a cocktail and not come home smelling like an ashtray.
**********
My brother leaves for Iraq today. He called me yesterday on his way to the airport. Because I don't have enough to cry about lately. Please keep him, and all our servicemen and women in your prayers.
**********
My New Year's resolution is to get back in the good health habit. I'm seriously considering running in the 5 mile St. Patrick's Day run with some friends. Tonight I start the treadmill again. Wish me luck because I've tried to fall off of it several times. Klutzy girl + treadmill = injury waiting to happen.
************
This morning when I left for work it was 7 degrees. It's up to 13 now. The forecast calls for 60 on Saturday. We will probably have a blizzard in April.
************
Highway 40 is officially closed. All reports indicate it's not a big deal...so far. I think this may be similar to when the Pope visited - all hype and no problem. Sidenot - it was 60 when he visited, too. Coincidence?
***********
The ban on smoking in Illinois went into effect yesterday. As an ex-smoker, I can understand the frustration of those who do smoke. Honestly, the fact that smokers were being treated as criminals was one of the reasons I quit. However, I will also enjoy being able to go have a cocktail and not come home smelling like an ashtray.
**********
My brother leaves for Iraq today. He called me yesterday on his way to the airport. Because I don't have enough to cry about lately. Please keep him, and all our servicemen and women in your prayers.
**********
My New Year's resolution is to get back in the good health habit. I'm seriously considering running in the 5 mile St. Patrick's Day run with some friends. Tonight I start the treadmill again. Wish me luck because I've tried to fall off of it several times. Klutzy girl + treadmill = injury waiting to happen.
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