Update - Still Angry, Still Irrational

My brother isn't coming. Bring on the disappointment.

Oh, and for those of you thinking "why don't you just go there?" - in order for me and my girls to fly to California I'll need $1200. I'm sure I can crap that between now and January.

Grrrrrr. Why does it have to be so difficult?

I'm going to drown my sorrows in deep fried cheese.

Irrational Anger

My brother is going to Iraq in January. He'll be gone for a year. He's currently in Virginia for training, and he'll be done this Friday. About a month ago, I suggested that he try to change his flight to stop over here for the weekend before he goes back to California. He thought it was a good idea, and he said he'd do it. Well, fast forward to T-minus 4 days and he hasn't done it yet and everytime I ask him, he tells me he'll do it later, or the travel agency said to call back in a day or two, blah blah blah.

If he doesn't come here, I won't be able to see him until after he gets back from Iraq. I can't afford to fly to San Diego, and it's not just me that won't see him - my daughters and my dad and his wife won't see him, either.

So, I'm angry at him for suggesting it in the first place and getting my hopes up; for putting it off; for not giving me a straight answer; and for making me so mad in the first place.

I'm being selfish and irrationally angry. I can't help it.

Traditions

With the holidays approaching at breakneck speed, I'm thinking about holiday traditions, and how I've passed on some of what I did when I was younger, but added my own to be something special that my girls and I do.

Growing up, we had ham for Thanksgiving. I don't like turkey, and my parents weren't big on turkey either. We also had mashed potatoes, sweet potatoes, corn, cranberry sauce, yeast rolls, and pecan pie. Now that I'm hosting Thanksgiving, we have the above, plus green bean rollups (green beans rolled in bacon and covered with melted butter and brown sugar - yum!), and Jessica salad (pistachio pudding, pineapple and cool whip mixed together). I only make sweet potatoes and cranberries if my dad comes for dinner. Otherwise, they're nixed because no one else likes it. I still don't make a turkey. It's not tradition.

When I was younger, my mom would put up the tree, and then she would string the lights and the garland. She used pearls for garland. I have a garland of pearls and gold cord that I use now. Once she was satisfied with that, she would let me and my brother hang the glass balls, but we had to make sure we didn't have too many of the same color together, or too many in one spot. Because she was anal that way. Then my brother and I would hang our ornaments - Snoopy on a sled for me, and a tiger in a circus cage for my brother. As we made ornaments in school, we would hang those, too. I still have my Snoopy (he lost his sled a long time ago), my brother's tiger, and some of my school ornaments.

Now for Christmas, I put on the Charlie Brown Christmas DVD and, I put up the tree, string the lights and the garland. I let my girls do the ornaments. Each of my girls has their own set of ornaments that they hang. Now that my oldest daughter is, well, older, she hasn't been around sometimes when we decorate, so she tells me to hang them. It's just not the same, so I wait until she is home and make her hang them. My kids hang some of my older ornaments if they want, but Snoopy is mine. I hang him, in the same spot, every year. It's a tradition.

As my girls have gotten taller, the ornaments have been spaced out more evenly. But I loved it when they were shorter - they would hang them all in one space, or all along the bottom of the tree. And yes, I would eventually space them out. Because I'm anal that way.

My girls get oranges in their stockings, because I did when I was little. Kelli doesn't even like oranges, but she gets one. It's just a tradition.

Finally, my girls and I get into the car, put on the Charlie Brown Christmas soundtrack, and drive to Our Lady of the Snows (www.snows.org) to see the lights. Last year was the first time that Jessica, didn't go with us. I may have cried a little, but don't tell her that.

I've kept some of the traditions from my childhood, but incorporated some new things that I hope my kids will keep doing, and add their own traditions. I bet Kelli won't give her kids oranges. Just a thought.

This Can Only Lead to Some Kind of Visit by the Authorities

Last February, one of my dear friends had a divorce celebration party at a spa. I met a wonderful group of ladies (girls, chicks, babes!) and we had a fabulous time drinking wine, getting facials and massages, and just generally being loud and obnoxious. All while wearing robes.

Now that I'm the divorced girl, I can't duplicate Tawnya's generousity, but I can cook. And mix a mean cocktail. So, we're planning a get-together for December. I hope we can all get together again and drink some more and be loud and obnoxious. We'll wear clothes this time.

All The Good Ones Are Gay, Married, Or They Take Visa

I was having lunch with my friend yesterday. She was lamenting the fact that, although she'd like to break up with her boyfriend, she doesn't want to be alone during the holidays. I asked her if being with someone who makes you miserable was better than being alone. Without hesitation, she said yes.

I told her that maybe a good money making scheme would be a rent-a-date business. We could sign up some single men and match them up with single women who need a date for a Christmas or New Year's Eve party. She said that had already been done, and it was called an escort service.

How afraid of being alone do you have to be to stay with someone who doesn't make you happy?

How I Met the Girlfriend

I went out with my ex-husband's cousin and some other friends on Friday night, and we wound up at a fun little bar in STL. My friend brought along his sister in law. After a couple of hours, he asked me if I'd seen his SIL. It's not a big place, so after looking around and not seeing her, I surmised she must in the ladies' room. Yep, there she was, hunched over the toilet. "You okay?" I ask. "uhh huhh," she replies. The bartender comes over to me and says "Your friend is pretty drunk, you need to take her home." Um, okay. Apparently at some point she became my responsibility, which I immediately passed back to my friend. She ain't my sister in law.

We pour her in the car, and my friends and I go to this dive diner, have ham and cheese omelets, and go back to the house to watch The Office. Funny stuff.

Fast forward to Sunday - the ex drops off our daughter and asks me "did you have fun Friday?" I say yes, figuring his cousin had said we were out. No big thang. He calls me later, around 9:45, and I figure he just wants to tell our daughter good night. Oh, no, he wants to talk to me. Yippee. The Cowboys are on, damn it! But I gave him the almost final draft of the divorce papers a few days ago and figured he wanted to talk about that.

He tells me he took our daughter to the park and that my friend and his SIL were there too. I say okay. He says "I just wanted to let you know." "Let me know what?" "That I'm dating her. What did you think of her?" I say, "Um, I drug her out of a bar after watching her puke. I'd say she needs to learn to hold her liquor." He thinks I'm kidding. Bless his heart.

So, yep, that's how I met his girlfriend.

Time Flies...

My, it's been a while since my last post. Of course, no one knows this because apparently no one reads this (according to my site meter).


So, to catch up those of you who read it but don't register on the site meter, the big news is that my husband and are I divorcing. He moved out in September, and we will file after we fill in some blanks in the paperwork.


Am I happy? Kind of. Am I sad? Kind of. Is this weird? Probably. When I tell people, the usual reply is "oh, I'm sorry." I really want to say "don't be, because I'm not." I suppose that may sound callus and unfeeling, but it's really for the best. For everyone involved, not just me.

In the past two months, the stress level in my house has all but diminished. My girls and I get along better, and we spend more time as a family. I know that they hid in their rooms or buried themselves on the computer just to avoid interaction. Or the arguments. I don't blame them. I wished I could sometimes.

He seems to be doing better too. I found out this weekend he's been seeing someone for about a month. I say, good for him.

I guess it's hard for some people to realize that divorce isn't always a bad thing.