Foe Toes

Get it? Foe Toes? Photos? *crickets chirping*

Uh, okay. Anyway, I conquered the whole photo upload thang, so here are some shots of Maddy and me from New Year's Eve (in case you thought we always wore our tiaras around the house).

Pre-Party

Supermodel Mom

Maddy Working the 'Tude

We are sex-ay, no?

Choices

I've been thinking about choices today. It started this morning as I was trying to decide whether or not to get out of bed and go to work. (Steel Magnolias was on TNT last night and I was up past midnight watching it. 900 channels and I pick a movie I've seen 900 times. ) I chose to get up and get dressed. Yay me.

(And what's up with the 900 channels and nothing to watch? I'd watch a DVD but I'd have to decide which one. )

Now what to wear? Thank goodness my choices were limited as I have chosen to avoid doing laundry.

Lunchtime- oh no. Where to go? What to have? At the deli downstairs, it was a veritable smorgasbord of food. The drink case alone was a rainbow of colors - juice and tea and colored water. Did I want a ham and cheese sandwich? Or roast beef? Oooh, salad! But what kind? Winter greens? Cobb? Fried chicken? (Which looked good but then I saw the tomatoes and boiled egg. Ugh.) I chose the roast beef sandwich. Now for chips - baked or fried? Cheese or plain? Sour cream? Jalepeno? Pretzels or Cheez-It's? *head explodes*

I'm also in the process of choosing a new paint color for my bathroom. Why do they name these colors after food? As you can see, I have enough trouble picking lunch. I'm deciding among Biscuit, Vannilin (which I assume is a clever spelling of vanilla), and Spun Sugar. I did stumble across a color called Nonchalant White. I want a decisive paint color, thankyouverymuch. As I am not decisive.

In high school, we had a foreign exchange student who was from Czechoslovakia (yeah, it was 20 years ago). She said she was amazed the first time she went a grocery store in America - we had options beyond belief. But sometimes I think maybe we have too many. How many brands of green beans do we need, really?

I was also trying to decide what my topic today would be. I have some ideas boinging around in my head that I'm going to try to expand in the next few days. I also wrote them down so I wouldn't forget. (See my previous post and if I knew how to link to it I would. PS -thanks to those of you offering me technical help.)

So anyway. Thanks for choosing to read my blog today.

Meme Friday

I've never been tagged (sob!), so I'm tagging myself. I don't care if I can't do that, it's my blog! So there! And if you want to put it on your blog, feel free. I "borrowed" this one from MP http://bbmpsecondjournal.blogspot.com/

Whats your name spelt backwards?: Mik

What did you do last night?: Cleaned my house, did laundry, studied multiplication tables with Maddy

The last thing you downloaded onto your computer?: iTunes

Have you ever licked a 9 volt battery?: Yes, I'm strange

Last time you swam in a pool?: December

What are you wearing?: Jeans, maroon tank and black cardigan

How many cars have you owned?: 11

Type of music you dislike most?: Thrash rock

Are you registered to vote?: Yes

Do you have cable?: Not cable, but Directv

What kind of computer do you use?: Dell Inspirion Laptop

Ever made a prank phone call?: Yes

You like anyone right now?: I like lots of people. But to paraphrase MP's answer, "Are we in junior high?"

Would you go bungee jumping or sky diving?: I've bungee jumped, so sky diving it is

Furthest place you ever traveled?: Mexico

What's your favorite comic strip?: Pearls Before Swine

Do you know all the words to the national anthem?: Yes

Shower, morning or night?: Morning

Best movie you've seen in the past month?: There's only 4 days in the month so far. Last month would be The Golden Compass

Favorite pizza toppings?: Sausage, mushroom and onion

Chips or popcorn?: Hmmm, depends. With a movie, popcorn. Just to munch - Doritos

What cell phone provider do you have?: Cingular/AT&T/Whatever they are this week

Have you ever smoked peanut shells?: No! Eww! Who does that?

Have you ever been in a beauty pageant?: Yes, I was 3. I think I won.

Orange Juice or apple?: Orange

Who were the last people you sat at lunch with?: My friend Craig

Favorite chocolate bar?: Three Musketeers

Who is your longest friend and how long?: Longest, like length? Ha ha. I guess it would be Lynn, 15 years. She's also my tallest friend.

Last time you ate a homegrown tomato?: Yuck, never.

Have you ever won a trophy?: Nope, but I got a ribbon for the beauty pagent

Favorite arcade game?: Qbert

Ever ordered from an infomercial?: No

Sprite or 7-UP?: Diet 7-up

Have you ever had to wear a uniform to school/work?: Work, but not school

Last thing you bought at Walgreens?: A Christmas Story ornament

Ever thrown up in public?: Yes

Would you prefer being a millionaire or finding true love?: Ah, love

Do you believe in love at first sight?: Yes

SPONGEBOB OR JIMMY NEUTRON?: Spongebob (why is this question in caps?)

Did you have long hair as a young kid?: Yes, I could sit on it.

What message is on your voicemail machine?: Hi, we can't get to the phone. Leave a message.

Where would you like to go right now?: Florida

Whats the name of your pet?: Deedee and Nolan

What kind of back pack do you have, and what's in it?: No backpack, I'm almost 40.

What do you think about most?: Vacation

**EDIT - I don't know how to tag people, 'cause I'm not good with the fancy HTML stuff. Have you noticed I don't have pictures? I'm sad. So, if you read this, consider yourself tagged. This means you, Raquita.

Sun and Sand and a Drink in My Hand

My brother, Travis, left for Iraq. He called me from Norfolk, VA around 11:00 am yesterday to tell me he was getting ready to fly to Washington DC to catch a plane to Germany, and from there he would fly to Bahrain. He's in the Coast Guard so he'll be on a cutter patrolling the oil rigs and shipping routes.

He should be able to come home in the next 4-6 months, and I'm hoping that Maddy and I can fly out to San Diego to see him when he comes home. She's never been on a plane or seen the ocean. I've never been to San Diego.

Jessica and Kelli and I flew to Dallas when they were 7 and 2. I was worried that Kelli would be scared but Jessica ended up being the one who freaked out a little bit. She didn't want to look out the window at the clouds, but once we could see the ground, she was okay.

When my brother was stationed in Panama City, he took Jessica and Kelli for a week. I have a picture of the three of them in the ocean. I'm glad they got to see it. I first saw it, at the ripe age of 30. (I'd been landlocked for quite a while.) At that time Travis was stationed outside Sarasota. The white sand beaches were so beautiful and the ocean - my God. I grew up on a lake so I love the water, but to stand on the shore and not see the opposite one - wow. I felt so small. One night there was a full moon and we sat on the beach at midnight and the moon was so huge, reflected in the water, hanging just right at the horizon. If I close my eyes, I can still see it, and hear the waves, and remember the feeling of peacefulness I had then. I use that memory quite a lot now.

I've also started planning a trip for me and Maddy to Sarasota. We may not go, because we may go to San Diego, but for me, part of the fun of a trip is the planning. I love going on sites like TripAdvisor to read reviews of hotels, and sending away for brochures and information. We won't be staying at the Ritz, but it's neat to dream about the expensive places.

I guess since Jess and Kelli died, I have a sense of urgency to make sure that Maddy gets to experience things before it's too late. Maybe that's why I really think I'll take her to Florida. And if she gets to go to San Diego this year too, then bonus! I'm not trying to spoil her, I just don't want to have any regrets. Life is short.

Wednesday Bites - First One of 2008

I'm getting used to the work week beginning on Wednesday. I wonder how I'll handle actually working a full week?

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This morning when I left for work it was 7 degrees. It's up to 13 now. The forecast calls for 60 on Saturday. We will probably have a blizzard in April.

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Highway 40 is officially closed. All reports indicate it's not a big deal...so far. I think this may be similar to when the Pope visited - all hype and no problem. Sidenot - it was 60 when he visited, too. Coincidence?

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The ban on smoking in Illinois went into effect yesterday. As an ex-smoker, I can understand the frustration of those who do smoke. Honestly, the fact that smokers were being treated as criminals was one of the reasons I quit. However, I will also enjoy being able to go have a cocktail and not come home smelling like an ashtray.

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My brother leaves for Iraq today. He called me yesterday on his way to the airport. Because I don't have enough to cry about lately. Please keep him, and all our servicemen and women in your prayers.

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My New Year's resolution is to get back in the good health habit. I'm seriously considering running in the 5 mile St. Patrick's Day run with some friends. Tonight I start the treadmill again. Wish me luck because I've tried to fall off of it several times. Klutzy girl + treadmill = injury waiting to happen.

Fourteen Years Ago

Fourteen years ago I was impatiently awaiting the birth of my daughter, Kelli. It had not been a fun pregnancy. I gained so much water weight the only shoes I could wear were Keds, and I couldn't tie them. I damn near weighed 200 pounds. I did lose 10 pounds the week before I had her, only because I quit work and could sit with my feet up.



I remember it was a really nice day, I think it was about 65 or so. We'd had some snow and rain the week before and my car was filthy. Jessica and I went to three different car washes because the lines were so long. I also had to go to Wal Mart because Jessica needed shoe laces.



We were walking through Wal Mart and all of a sudden I felt like I was going to be sick to my stomach. I quickly loaded up Jessica and went home. I started having contractions. Of course, they would start to be about 6-7 minutes apart, and then they'd go to 9 or 10 minutes.



I made myself a grilled cheese and laid down for a while. My husband started making arrangments for Jessica to spend the night with some friends. He took Jessica to our friends and about 6 we went to the hospital.



Of course, once I walked through the doors, the contractions stopped. I was so mad. I was due on the 20th of December and I'd had enough. Finally, at about 8:30 they sent me home. I told the doctor that I'd be back, I knew I was having this baby tonight. He said, "well, I'm here until midnight so hopefully I'll see you."



We decided to leave Jessica with our friends, just in case. About 10:00 my husband went to bed. I stayed up watching Dick Clark's Rockin' New Years Eve. Around 11:00 I started having contractions again and these were a little more intense. At midnight, I was watching the ball drop saying "10, 9, puff, puff, 6, 5, puff puff." I woke him up and we headed to the hosptial. We only lived about 5 minutes away.



As I was waddling in, I saw the doctor and I said "I told you!" He said "okay, let's go have a baby." Even though he was off he came back until the other doctor got in there.



My labor went really fast - there was no time for drugs or an epidural. At 3:30 a.m. I finally got her out and into the world. I overheard the nurses asking if they'd heard of any other babies being born before Kelli. Kelli was the first baby of 1994 in the Metro East. There was a baby born around 1:30 a.m. in St. Louis.



The newspaper came and took our picture and wrote an article. I looked like a fat blob. Luckily they only used Kelli's picture on the front page of the paper.



It seems like a lifetime ago, but yet it seems so fresh in my memory. Happy Birthday, baby of mine. I miss you so much. Fourteen years wasn't enough time.

Inside and Out

Kelli had to make a model of an element for science class. The teacher wanted them to be creative. We kept thinking of ways to put her element together and we finally came up with using Christmas ornaments. She used a large silver ball as the nucleus and smaller red, silver and green ones for the protons, neutrons and electrons. She made the rings out of green pipe cleaners. It actually was very pretty. She turned it in on Wednesday before she died. She was so proud of it. I was too. She was always so artistic and creative.

I asked her science teacher if I could have it back. He sent me a kind note with it, saying it was one of the most original and creative projects he'd had. He also said she was a good student and a pleasure to have in class. She would have gotten an A on it for sure. I hope she knows that.

I recently got a letter from one of Jessica's professors along with some of her papers from the class. She had to write out some of her values and goals. One of them was to "always love and respect my mom and be grateful for everything she does for me." The professor enclosed a photo of the class. She's wearing her Texas A&M sweatshirt and showing that glamour girl smile. I can't look at it right now.

When I went to buy their burial plots, the lady at the church told me her grandson went to school with Kelli. He thought very highly of her, because she always said hi and talked to him, even though she was a cheerleader and he wasn't one of the cool kids.

I got a phone call from a woman who Jessica babysit for. She was just checking on me, and wanted to tell me how much she and her kids missed Jessica. They said she was more fun than their babysitter they have now.

See, it's stuff like that that breaks my heart all over again. I knew they were great children. Having others tell me is what makes me weep - because I wish, almost more than anything else, that they knew how much they touched others. How others saw the beauty, not just outside, but inside of them. I can't count the stories people told me of the sweet thoughtful things they did. It makes me so proud of them.