Thursday, June 4, 2009

Decades

I was shopping today for a birthday. It was never easy to buy for her to begin with, and now it's even harder. What do you give a girl who can't have anything?

I read over the cards but never find the one that says I miss you. I settle for one that says "Once a princess, always a princess." That's about right. I will sign it and laminate it so it will withstand the elements for a while.

I find some pink silk flowers, some pink balloons and ribbon to tie them down. At the checkout I grab a bag of Skittles, her favorite candy.

As I flipped through the albums looking for a picture to share with you, I found myself remembering all the scenes, the clothes, the toys. I still have a lot of her things that I hoped she'd use for her children.

20 years ago she looked like this. I never dreamed I wouldn't have her anymore.
Happy birthday, Jessica.




24 comments:

Hopers said...

My heart is breaking for you right now. What a sad and tender post. I hope that you find some peace today.

Wendy said...

I can't believe she would be 20 today. I remember so much of her with the mop of glorious curly hair, the pre-teen years, the beautiful woman she grew into. And now spending two birthdays without her just isn't right. Miss you, Jess. Love you.

Anonymous said...

Happy Birthday, Jessica!!

Andrea said...

Happy Birthday Jessica. Your mother misses you, as do, I'm sure, all the people you touched in your life.

Erin said...

I'm so sorry you don't have her here to celebrate with you. What a beautiful baby she was.

Anonymous said...

They will always be young and beautiful. They will always watch over you. Keep traditions like this on the tough days. It helps to plan them in advance. Eat their favorite foods on that day, build a memorial garden in your back yard, keep their legacy alive with the scholarships. These things are good. Love you.

Brian Uhl said...

Dear Jess

Happy Birthday hon. I attended a Mass today where the intention was for you. Your name was mentioned twice and each time I just teared up and asked again, "Why?" Someday we will know for sure but for now I just keep the faith that their was a reason. As all these comments and your mom's post indicate, we miss you and we love you very much. GOD Bless!!

MamaB said...

Happy Birthday Jessica! What a gorgeous baby and just a reflection of how beautiful your Mom is!!

willtherebecake said...

Happy Birthday, Jessica! You have good taste in candy. :)

Anonymous said...

Kim,
You are in my thoughts and prayers every day. Today I prayed for you to have strength and for God to remind you of all the happy memories he gave you with Jessica before calling her home. God Bless and thank you for sharing such a personal post. Happy Birthday, Jessica.

Frogdancer said...

I just posted a really whiney post, and then I read this. I'm such a lucky person.

Big hugs, Kim. Grab Maddie and breathe her in.

Anonymous said...

Happy birthday Jess. My heart breaks for you everyday Kim. Keep her memory alive just as you are doing so now. Think of all the wonderful years of memories she blessed you with!

Jeannette E. Spaghetti said...

Happy Birthday, Jessica! You are dearly missed and loved by more people than you could ever realize.

Gregg said...

Kim,

You are doing an amazing job keeping their memories alive and making their lives count even now that they are gone.

What a fantastic mom you are!

M said...

Hi Kim, I've come across from Frogdancer's blog to say my heart is with you as you remember your girl. Happy Birthday Jessica.

trashalou said...

Came via Frogdancer and with tears in my eyes I wish your girl a happy birthday and you strength.

Sarah, Goon Squad Sarah said...

((hugs))

Jill of All Trades said...

I don't know what to say but my heart is with you. Today is my birthday!

Marie said...

Kim, I'm sure this day is full of mixed emotions. I hope its also filled with happy memories to get you through the day.

Zip n Tizzy said...

My heart aches reading this, but, I'm also just moved again by how much love and strength you posess.
You are such a beautiful, wonderful mom Kim.

bird said...

you make me cry and realize what an idiot I am --

mn said...

I feel there is no greater gift you could have given her than the gift of being a loving, supportive mom all the way. And now you continue to give the gift of courage, with every post, and your contagious humor.
Peace to you and your loved ones.

My Life My Life My Life said...

what a reminder to hug my boys tighter...

i'm sure, in some brief moments when you feel some peace and comfort, she's wrapped her arms around you to hug you tight.She would be very proud of you and your strength.

Marrdy said...

Happy Birthday Jessica. What a beautiful tribute. Hugs to you!