Friday, September 17, 2010


It’s Friday.

Lately, I find myself looking forward to Fridays more and more. Not in the same way I used to when Fridays usually signaled the beginning of a “whoo-hoo!” kinda weekend. Now Fridays signal the beginning of a “thank you sweet lord I don’t have to get up at O’Dark Thirty for two days” kinda weekend.

It’s also a reminder that I’ve survived one more week. I struggle through Monday, fight with Tuesday, toil on Wednesday, tussle with Thursday, and finally feel a little relief on Friday.
And, I’m one week closer to the end of this roller coaster ride. At least, that’s what they tell me.
Our latest “day to look forward to” is October 28, or sooner, depending on the Court. I feel like a convict marking off days on a wall. I don’t like that feeling.

I don’t like waking up and my first thought being “how many more days?” I don’t like that it's sucking my will to live like a Flobee on Garth’s head.* I'm trying to push through and not allow it to drag me down, but it's getting harder and harder.

The irony is that I want to start doing things that I used to do back in those happy days three years ago. I actually watched Enchanted a few weeks ago, and didn’t cry. It was a huge step for me. I like that I’m starting to let myself feel good when I think of them and the dumb random stuff we used to do. Because the goofy random memories that pop up when I hear a song or see a movie or a TV show are the ones I used to avoid, and now I welcome them for the happiness they are bringing me again.

Now when I do dumb random stuff, I take a greater joy in it, because maybe someday the people I’m with will recall it and feel some happiness as well.

Case in point: a few weeks ago we were driving home from my dad’s at the Lake of the Ozarks. It was a gorgeous evening so we rolled down the windows and enjoyed the fresh air as we wound our way through the hilly wooded backroads. Queen’s Bohemian Rhapsody came on the radio, and if you can resist singing along ala Wayne and Garth, I commend you. I can’t. It really sucks when I’m traffic and it’s on and I have to almost physically restrain myself from doing the headbang. As we were in the middle of nowhere, we cranked it up, sang along and reenacted the movie scene. Maddy even joined in the fun with the “let me go!” part, after trying to be too cool to play along. Oh, those sullen teen days are fast approaching. But for now, she’s still willing to indulge her crazy mom’s antics, for which I am more grateful than she knows.

*I couldn’t find a YouTube clip of the Flobee, but please to enjoy a little Wayne’s World singalong to make your Friday go a little faster. I dare you not to headbang!

1 comment:

Melody said...

I am so happy you can start to enjoy those things that you used to avoid. I know it has been hard to heal, but for what it's worth I think you are doing an amazing job. Even though it is a pain-tinged victory, seeing Enchanted really is a big one. Here's a cheer to many more victories, big, small, personal and public. *muah*