Maddy went to the doctor today. Her new x-rays show the bone is shifting a little bit, so they have scheduled an outpatient procedure for tomorrow morning to adjust the bone, and possibly put a pin in to hold it in place.
I'm keeping it together in front of Maddy, because she's already freaked out. When the doctor showed us the x-rays, I had a feeling it wasn't good. I put my hand on Maddy's back, and as soon as she said the bone had shifted, I felt her tense up. I just rubbed her back, while nodding at the doctor and saying "sure, yeah, let's get it fixed," in a cheery voice, trying to drown out my own internal screeching.
It's all routine and I know several people who have had pins put in, and it will all be fine, sure, yeah, no problem.
So, why is my stomach churning and my nerves are shot and I'm on the verge of tears?
Perhaps because I tend to overreact and imagine the worst. I have always been that way, and even more so now. I don't assume everything is fine anymore. The upside to this is that I'm pleasantly surprised when it all turns out okay.
Or because she is my baby, and well, she's my only baby now. I am not opening the door in my mind to the path of the worst scenario thought process. I keep looking over there, but it's staying firmly shut.
Finally, maybe because I have to rely on faith right now, and that's still difficult for me to do. I'm getting better on the day to day faith, but this is kind of a big deal.
After I dropped Maddy at school, I had a mini-meltdown/rant, then had a nice conversation with God.
It'll be fine, yeah, sure, right?