Thursday, March 6, 2008

The Sound of Silence

My house is so quiet right now, it's eerie. I'm used to the quiet at night, after Maddy goes to bed. But it's 6:45 in the evening and I'm not used to this. Her dad took her to gymnastics and to dinner and I got a rare mid-week evening to my self. I was so decadent, I tanned, then went to Wal-Mart, and then came home and made myself a ham and cheese omelet and read Us Magazine. Jealous?

I'm used to hearing the girls going up and down the stairs. I'm used to hearing Jess walking around in her room, which was over mine. I always knew when she was home that way. I'm used to hearing the dull whoomp of the bass through the ceiling from Kelli listening to her Jonas Brothers CDs over and over. I'm used to the keyboard on the computer clicking as she IM'd her friends about parties and boys and who was wearing what. I'm used to the "Kelli! Did you wear my cami?" Jessie! Can you take me to the mall? "Maddy! Get out of my room! Mom! She won't let me on the computer!"

If I had a nickel for every time I told them to quiet down, be nice, shut UP! I'd be a rich woman. However, I'd give it all back to hear them creating chaos in the house again.

11 comments:

She who said...

Take a deep breathe. Let it out slowly and repeat. It will get better. Probably not soon, but it will get better.

I am holding your hand and giving you hugs across the net.

Love at ya.
She who

mnn said...

:(
wish there was some way to help you at moments like this.
you are still very brave in my opinion and if you do have moments of breakdown, we're here in our cyber way.

Sarah said...

I read your post... I can not even find words.

My brother passed away 7 months ago today...anaphalaxys is what took him away. After only 1 year of having 3 episodes, unknown reason of episodes of anaphalaxys... he was my best friend, and we talked EVERY day! He was 39, and left behind a 15 yo boy, and a 9 yo girl.

No words describe the loss. I posted to my blog today:

The hurt feels like yesterday, the conversations feel like a lifetime ago.

God bless you - and may you fine moments of peace through your days.

Andrea said...

As much as it sucks to say, you may end up, in time, becoming used to the silence again. The point is you cherish the chaos and chronicle it here for the sake of remembering. Those little details like being able to tell who was home by their footsteps are the things that show your closeness to them. I wish you well in the moments of unexpected silence.

Michelle said...

I've been lurking for quite sometime and found your blog through Mamalogues. Your strenght and resilience amaze me. Even though you may not feel it, it shows in your writing. The girls will forever be in our hearts and I wish you strength and comfort!

(((hugs)))
Michelle

MP said...

I took she who's advice and am sitting here reading and taking deep breaths.
...
HUGS...

Sally said...

Just wanted to say "Hey" and I'm thinking of you.

MamaB said...

Remembering things like this about the girls is just another way there letting you know that they are with you and giving you a big hug. Close your eyes, smile, and embrace their little ways of staying connect to you through your memories! Big cyber-"hugs" from Reno.

Anonymous said...

I just wanted to let you know I am thinking about you. I visit your blog often to see how you are doing. Just know there are people out there that care. Keep going...you are such a brave and inspiring women!

Anonymous said...

*Hugs*

SUEB0B said...

Yes, I understand. It is those things that aren't happening any more that get to you.