Single and 40

First of all, thanks for all your birthday wishes. I had an exciting and glamorous birthday - I took my sugar to go pick up his new motorcycle, and then he and Maddy took me to dinner at my favorite Mexican restaurant. I got an iron and wood bench for my front porch from Maddy and a diamond circle necklace from my sugar. My bench has a five-point Texas star set in the back of the bench. My necklace is very gorgeous and shiny. They both did good in the present department.

My birthday wasn't as hard as I thought it would be, considering. I did miss the balloons and cake that Jessica would have given me, and the artistic card and cookies that Kelli would have made me, and the perpetual grief they would have given me about turning 40, but all in all, it was a good day.

I was off yesterday because I had a lengthy to-do list: pay my water bill, get a building permit for the new fence, finish painting my bathroom, go check the girls' gravesites (vandals hit the cemetery last weekend but their sites are fine), file my divorce, and take Maddy to her eye doctor appointment.

I not only completed everything on my list, my divorce was finalized yesterday. I wasn't expecting that. I figured I would file it, and it would be set for hearing in a couple of weeks. Imagine my surprise when the clerk said "come with me" and we headed up to the second floor courtrooms. In a bit of a panic, I asked if I had to see the judge, as I was not dressed for court, unless jeans and an Indianapolis Motor Speedway t-shirt are the new black suit. Luckily I didn't, but God, how embarassing would that have been?

So, speaking of appearances, my bathroom scale has been under my bed since the bathroom remodeling began last week. I hauled it out yesterday and stood on it just for fun, then fell off of it when I saw the readout. Of course, my first response is "that can't be right," but after consulting with my jeans and my shorts, it was indeed correct. Holy hell.

I know I've been lax in my eating habits lately, and I know that Easter candy is the devil, so in the trash it went. I can't just stuff my face with whatever anymore. It's been creeping up on me - 2 pounds here, 4 pounds here - and it's adding up rather quickly. So NO MORE!! No more excuses of not walking at night or not taking the stairs at work. No more eating chocolate before bed. No more staying up late watching TV.

I'm not going to set grandiose goals of "I want to be a size 8 by May" or "I'm going to lose 10 pounds by Saturday" because that always backfires. I figure since I got here 2 or 4 pounds at a time, I'm going to go back 2 or 4 pounds at a time. Small losses, small changes. It will add up eventually. Since we are going to Dallas at the end of June, my goal is to look decent in my swimsuit by then. Maddy and I are also having our pictures taken in May, and I don't want three chins in my portrait. Jonathan Pollack is going to take some shots of me and Maddy. I like his work, check it out.

I think I'll look at turning 40 and getting my divorce finalized as my New Year. The changes begin today.